[finance] Does it bother you that my two cents are worth more than yours?
[rules] Does the dichotomy of greater-than/less-than govern our interactions?
[cooking] Have you ever used tears to spice up a dish?
[ego] Would you make out with yourself?
[wood] Trees are now houses, houses are now trees, which would you live in?
[gossip] Heath Ledger is still alive. I saw him at Hooters earlier this evening at happy hour. He was downing two buck Buttery Nipples.
[hot] If you were nude, waxed in Crisco and stuck in a cage with Mike Pence, what would be your initial wrestling moves? (editor’s note: standing moonsault and then stink face)
[hair style] Tell me something lamer than scalping a guy with male pattern baldness?
[Helen Keller’s root canal] Would the dentist experience be less painful if you were deaf and blind?
[satiated] Considering Homer Simpson is hung like a horse, what are the genetic odds that Bart is as well?
[automotive] Whatcha gon’ do with all dat junk inside yo trunk?
[mental health] Don’t eat apples. The trees are screaming as you pick their living, exterior placentas and munch on naturally-delicious sweet-tasting veggie abortions.
[the other] Do you spend any time pondering what your parents think about?
[how-to] If you’re curious about changing careers into the cosmetology sector, consider biting the top off a piece of broccoli and rolling the hairy feel of its head in your mouth. This is what it feels like to be a professional hair cutter – constantly covered in hair.
[news flash] Do you think it’s creepy, if you sit across from a bathroom and are thinking really hard about a question to write for a blog, to look off into space in the direction of the bathroom door as people go in and out and see you staring?
[mirrors] Assuming you have a fear of death, shouldn’t you confront that fear?
[easy fix] The grass is always greener on the other side. Is that because they use chemical fertilizers? Isn’t this a problem a gallon of white paint and a spray gun could address?
[becoming an adult] Given the choice, would you choke a baby chimp to death or watch TV?
[romance] If you were a cow, would you let me squeeze your udders?
[rave chic] When you throw up 62 ounces of water, a tab of LSD and a half dose of ‘E’ on your rave friend “GlitterBot” do you say you’re sorry or pretend to pass out to save face?
[masculinity] Boning down preference: Archie or Jughead?
[productivity] Should children be taken out of failing schools and put to work in miniature factories?
[dead presidents] Does trickle down economics feel warm running down your leg?
[Dead Heads] Does that bong water feel warm running down your chin?
[benefits of terrorism] Shouldn’t 9/11 prove to be an excellent marketing tool for the 911 emergency call line.
[truth] If I were God would you believe in me?
[hammer] What time is it?
[human resources] Was Tony Danza a “good” nanny on “Who’s the Boss”?
[ethics] Do you think happiness and hedonism are the same thing?
[camping] Can I roast marshmallows on your hot flash?
What did the ghost say to the bumblebee? [boo bee]
[backing that ‘thang’ up] Boy, who is you playing with?
[dreams] Since if you die in your dream, you die in real life, why is it that when you dream you don’t have impotence it doesn’t come true in real life?
[panic] In the event of a water-landing, your seat functions as a flotation device. So do dead bodies.
[linguistics] If words didn’t exist, how would you answer this question?
[animals] A hummingbird chorus and dance squad or pandas in raincoats having a bubblegum bubble blowing contest?
[enemas] What’s love got to do with it?
[zero] Which member of your family would you prefer not to exist?
[blind justice] Who would win in a courtroom battle of wits: Chewbacca or Gollum?
[love] When you said you loved me, was that you or the eighth of coke talking?
