NFAQ

1. [finance] Does it bother you that my two cents are worth more than yours?
2. [rules] Does the dichotomy of greater-than/less-than govern our interactions?
3. [cooking] Have you ever used tears to spice up a dish?
4. [ego] Would you make out with yourself?
5. [wood] Trees are now houses, houses are now trees, which would you live in?
6. [gossip] Heath Ledger is still alive. I saw him at Hooters earlier this evening at happy hour. He was downing two buck Buttery Nipples.
7. [hot] If you were nude, waxed in Crisco and stuck in a cage with Mike Pence, what would be your initial wrestling moves? (editor’s note: standing moonsault and then stink face)
8. [hair style] Tell me something lamer than scalping a guy with male pattern baldness?
9. [Helen Keller’s root canal] Would the dentist experience be less painful if you were deaf and blind?
10. [satiated] Considering Homer Simpson is hung like a horse, what are the genetic odds that Bart is as well?
11. [automotive] Whatcha gon’ do with all dat junk inside yo trunk?
12. [mental health] Don’t eat apples. The trees are screaming as you pick their living, exterior placentas and munch on naturally-delicious sweet-tasting veggie abortions.
13. [the other] Do you spend any time pondering what your parents think about?
14. [how-to] If you’re curious about changing careers into the cosmetology sector, consider biting the top off a piece of broccoli and rolling the hairy feel of its head in your mouth. This is what it feels like to be a professional hair cutter – constantly covered in hair.
15. [news flash] Do you think it’s creepy, if you sit across from a bathroom and are thinking really hard about a question to write for a blog, to look off into space in the direction of the bathroom door as people go in and out and see you staring?
16. [favorite white privilege] 1) non-harrassment, 2) job promotion, 3) sympathetic jurors
17. [anxiety] You turned the stove off, right?
18. [mirrors] Assuming you have a fear of death, shouldn’t you confront that fear?
19. [easy fix] The grass is always greener on the other side. Is that because they use chemical fertilizers? Isn’t this a problem a gallon of white paint and a spray gun could address?
20. [becoming an adult] Given the choice, would you choke a baby chimp to death or watch TV?
21. [favorite biblical character] 1) Ahaz, 2) Zerubabbel, 3) Barnabas
22. [romance] If you were a cow, would you let me squeeze your udders?
23. [rave chic] When you throw up 62 ounces of water, a tab of LSD and a half dose of ‘E’ on your rave friend “GlitterBot” do you say you’re sorry or pretend to pass out to save face?
24. [masculinity] Boning down preference: Archie or Jughead?
25. [productivity] Should children be taken out of failing schools and put to work in miniature factories?
26. [dead presidents] Does trickle down economics feel warm running down your leg?
27. [Dead Heads] Does that bong water feel warm running down your chin?
28. [benefits of terrorism] Shouldn’t 9/11 prove to be an excellent marketing tool for the 911 emergency call line.
29. [truth] If I were God would you believe in me?
30. [hammer] What time is it?
31. [human resources] Was Tony Danza a “good” nanny on “Who’s the Boss”?
32. [ethics] Do you think happiness and hedonism are the same thing?
33. [camping] Can I roast marshmallows on your hot flash?
34. What did the ghost say to the bumblebee? [boo bee]
35. [backing that ‘thang’ up] Boy, who is you playing with?
36. [dreams] Since if you die in your dream, you die in real life, why is it that when you dream you don’t have impotence it doesn’t come true in real life?
37. [panic] In the event of a water-landing, your seat functions as a flotation device.  So do dead bodies.
38. [linguistics] If words didn’t exist, how would you answer this question?
39. [animals] A hummingbird chorus and dance squad or pandas in raincoats having a bubblegum bubble blowing contest?
40. [enemas] What’s love got to do with it?
41. [zero] Which member of your family would you prefer not to exist?
42. [blind justice] Who would win in a courtroom battle of wits: Chewbacca or Gollum?
43. [love] When you said you loved me, was that you or the eighth of coke talking?